Dive into a hilariously groan-worthy collection of terrible puns guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and an eye-roll to your friends. Perfect for lightening the mood or breaking the ice!

A Pun-derful Array of Terribleness

Welcome to a world where the pun is mightier than the sword, and the groans are louder than the laughs. If you've ever thought to yourself, "I could use a good eye-roll today," then you're in the right place. Brace yourself for an onslaught of puns so terrible, they're almost good. From dad jokes to plays on words that should probably never have seen the light of day, we've got it all. So, let's dive into the deep end of the pun pool and see just how pun-ishingly bad things can get.

Terr-ibble Puns to Start With

Let's kick things off on a low note, shall we? These puns are so bad, they might just circle back to being funny.

1. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
2. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
3. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
4. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
5. The graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.
6. Why don't we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
7. What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.
8. I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy.
9. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waste of time.
10. I'm no cheetah... you're lion!
11. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
12. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, but it let out a little wine.
13. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
14. I'm reading a book on the history of glue. Can't put it down.
15. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans!
16. I don't trust stairs because they're always up to something or leading you down.
17. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
18. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
19. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.

Puns That Will Make You Cringe

Warning: The puns in this section have been known to cause severe cringing. Proceed with caution.

1. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
2. I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
3. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
4. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
5. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
6. I had a dream I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted.
7. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was out-standing in his field.
8. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
9. Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
10. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
11. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
12. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A king salmon.
13. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
14. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
15. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
16. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I’m going on ahead.
17. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
18. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
19. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de brie.
20. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

So Bad They're Good Puns

These puns are crossing the line from terrible to terrifically bad. Enjoy the descent into pun madness.

1. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
2. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
3. To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
4. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
5. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
6. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
7. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
8. What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
9. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
10. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
11. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
12. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
13. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
14. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
15. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
16. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans.
17. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de brie.
18. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
19. What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waste of time.
20. Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

Dire Puns of Distress

If puns were a form of distress, these would be sending out SOS signals. Prepare for the worst.

1. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
2. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
3. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.
4. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
5. Why are ghosts bad liars? Because they are easily seen through.
6. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
7. Why do bees hum? Because they don't know the words.
8. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
9. Why don't skeletons go to scary movies? They don't have the guts.
10. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
11. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
12. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
13. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
14. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
15. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
17. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
18. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
19. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
20. What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.

Puns of the Walking Dread

These puns are so dreadfully bad, they could raise the dead... just so they could ask for silence again.

1. What do zombies eat for dinner? Brain food.
2. Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
3. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? Graaaains.
4. Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
5. What’s a monster’s favorite dessert? I scream.
6. Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.
7. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
8. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
9. Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get a-head in life.
10. Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are so transparent.
11. What’s a ghost’s favorite room? The living room.
12. Why did the zombie go to school? He wanted to improve his “dead”-ucation.
13. What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
14. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
15. What do you call a skeleton who won’t work? Lazy bones.
16. How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
17. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
18. What do you call two witches living together? Broommates.
19. Why don’t vampires have many friends? Because they are a pain in the neck.
20. What’s a ghoul’s favorite game? Hide and shriek.

Unbearably Bad Puns

These puns are so bad, they're barely bearable. Ready to groan?

1. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
2. Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection.
3. What do you call a bear caught in the rain? A drizzly bear.
4. Why don't bears like fast food? Because they can't catch it!
5. How do bears keep their houses cool in summer? Bear conditioning.
6. What do you call a sunburnt bear? A well-red bear.
7. Why was the bear so spoiled? Because he was always panda-red to!
8. What do you get when you cross a bear and a deer? Beer.
9. Why don't bears use social media? They prefer to use their bear hands.
10. What do you call a bear with no ears? B.
11. What's a bear's favorite drink? Koka-Koala.
12. Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was polar.
13. How do you apologize to a bear? Bear your heart and hope for the best.
14. Why do bears never get lost? Because they always bear left.
15. What did the bear say when he called customer service? "I'd like to speak to the manager."
16. Why was the bear a good baker? He had the perfect paw-stry technique.
17. What do you call an adventurous bear? A scout-door bear.
18. How do bears travel long distances? They take the bear-o-plane.
19. What's a bear's favorite fruit? Bear-ies.
20. Why did the bear sit on the marshmallow? He wanted a soft seat.

Heartily Har-har-rible Puns

These puns are so heartily horrible, you might just start laughing out of sheer disbelief.

1. Why do heart surgeons take breaks? To recharge their batteries.
2. What do you call a fish with a tie? So-fish-ticated.
3. Why was the computer cold? Because it left its Windows open.
4. What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.
5. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
6. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
7. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
8. Why do bicycles fall over? Because they're two-tired.
9. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer.
10. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
11. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
12. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
13. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
14. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? King Salmon.
15. Why can't you trust a taco? Because it might spill the beans.
16. What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? Look, no hands!
17. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
18. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
19. What's a ghost's favorite fruit? Boo-berries.
20. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.

Hilariously Horrendous Puns

These puns are so horrendously hilarious, you might just find yourself chuckling against your will.

1. What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
2. Why don't skeletons go on scary rides? They don’t have the stomach for it.
3. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
4. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
5. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waste of time.
6. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
7. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
8. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
9. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
10. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
11. Why did the gol